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Extended parallelism: non-literary examples
Task B - The Higgins joke (full text)
Private Higgins is a recent recruit to the army. A rather delicate lad,
but one who tries hard.
A few months after Higgins joins the army, the captain of the detachment
receives a phone call telling him that Higgins' brother has died. He opens
the window of his office and calls across the barrack square: 'Sergeant
Major, could you come over to my office please?'
'Yes sir!' The sergeant major marches into the captain's office, comes
to attention and salutes. 'Yes, sir!'
'Sergeant Major, I'm afraid we have just had some terrible news. Poor
Private Higgins' brother has died. So I want you to tell him about it.
He's rather a delicate lad, so you'd better break it to him gently.
'YES SIR!!
The sergeant major marches over to the hut occupied by the platoon Higgins
is in and shouts, 'Higgins, your brother's dead!' Higgins passes out,
is taken to hospital and spends the next month in a psychiatric unit,
recovering. He is a bit twitchy when he returns to the squadron, but is
coping with his bereavement.
Then, a couple of weeks later the captain gets another phone call, to
say that Higgins' father has also died.
'Sergeant Major!'
'Yes, sir!'
'Come into my office for a moment.'
'Yes, sir!'
The sergeant major marches in and salutes, as before.
'Yes, sir!'
'Sergeant Major, we have just heard that poor old Higgins has now lost
his father. He is still a bit delicate after the last incident, so please,
please break the news to him gently.
'YES SIR!!'
The sergeant major marches over to Higgins, hut and says, 'Higgins, your
father's dead!' Higgins passes out again and this time needs three months
in the psychiatric unit, to recover. He is a quivering wreck when he returns,
but just about coping.
A month later the captain gets yet another phone call, to say that Higgins'
mother has died.
'Sergeant Major!'
'Yes, sir!'
'Come into my office for a moment.'
'Yes, sir!'
The sergeant major marches in and salutes.
'Yes, sir!'
'Sergeant Major, as you know, poor old Higgins has already lost his brother
and his father. Now his mother has passed away as well. He is in terribly
bad shape, and he loved his mother dearly. So whatever you do, Sergeant
Major please please please try hard to think of a way of breaking the
news to him gently. 'YES SIR!!'
The Sergeant Major marches over to Higgins' hut and orders all the men
out onto the barrack square for parade.
'Squad, squad, Atten-SHUN.'
The men come to attention.
'All those with mothers, one pace forward. HIGGINS, WHERE'RE YOU GOING???!!!'
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