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subtext | Truth: lies open to all Issue 151 - “subtext means subtext” 13/10/2016 ***************************************************** Fortnightly during term time. Letters, contributions, & comments: subtext-editors@lancaster.ac.uk Back issues & subscription details: www.lancs.ac.uk/subtext In this issue: editorial, staff survey, GDUFS, senate, living space, working space, printers, lost and found, angry people in local papers, work for nothing, we are your friends, olympics, offers, spot the swoosh, democracy, buses, LUSU, advertising, coventry, subtext walks into a bar, shart attack, emotional farewell, letters. ***************************************************** EDITORIAL Once again subtext is restricted in reporting Senate meetings by the imposition of a ‘Commercial in Confidence’ stricture on an agenda item (see subtext 150). Not only that, but members of Senate, including student representatives, are forbidden from discussing the matter with anyone else not already privy to its content. Failure to observe this restriction would be a disciplinary breach and could lead to being sacked or excluded from the university. Senators cannot be mandated by the constituencies they represent but it has long been the practice for them to consult staff in departments and colleges, and students in LUSU, on matters coming before Senate. This is what helps make them accountable for their actions on Senate. The item in question – ‘Strategic Partnership Opportunity: Approval and Next Steps’- will, we believe, prove to be controversial when the details become more widely known. And there’s the rub. By the time the rest of the university gets to hear about it, the deal will have been done. Compare and contrast this with the university’s previous experience of dealing with a ‘strategic partnership’ – the proposed merger with Liverpool University in 2011. Although certain aspects of the discussions were held to be confidential, this did not prevent an intense and lively debate across the university taking place. In faculties, departments, colleges and in the students’ union, the pros and cons of the proposed merger were discussed. It was Lancaster at its best and what eventually emerged was a broad consensus that this would be a bad deal for the University. What had seemed to senior management to have been a bold and exciting new future was roundly rejected by staff and students. And history has proved them right. Significantly, it was Liverpool which pulled out of that deal when the extent of the opposition became clear, not our own university management. Could it be that the lesson the current leadership has drawn from this episode is to keep everything under wraps until a fait accompli can be presented to the university community? What does this say about our supposedly democratic governance processes? ***************************************************** THE STAFF SURVEY COMETH AGAIN The University has just announced that the biennial Staff Survey will be launched on November 7th. It will be undertaken by our good friends, Capita. Staff surveys have become a methodology to show how HR provides value to the organisation, rather than anything to do with the needs of the University. On their own, staff surveys don't supply the answer to problems, because they are based entirely on agree/disagree questions. Most things you want to ask about a University do not fit this way of asking. subtext extensively covered the previous staff survey (see subtexts 132 & 133), but since then there hasn’t been much indication as to how much meaningful change has been made in response to staff concerns. Indeed, one individual who sat on one of the post-survey working groups was, shall we say, not so certain that the university had an open ear. It was felt that some of the reports put out by the university which aided its response to the survey results were in no way reflective of what had been discussed in the focus groups, or the strength of some of the sentiments. One could go as far as to posit the notion that the university had had a predefined idea of some changes it wanted to make, held the survey to look like they were the result of extensive consultation, and used selective hearing to ignore everything that had nothing to do with their plans. Much like the College review. subtext will pay close attention to this year’s survey. ***************************************************** A LUCKY ESCAPE? China’s HE sector continues to demonstrate its cultural sensitivity - this time to the gay community. Officials at the Guangdong University of Foreign Studies (GDUFS) were horrified when one female student, Wang Xiaoyu, decided that her graduation ceremony would be the perfect place to propose to her partner, who is of, shall we say, the same gender. This was met with repercussions from the Deputy Secretary of the university’s Chinese Communist Party committee, who threatened the lovestruck graduate with disciplinary action for ‘misbehaviour.’ Things took a more imposing turn when Ms. Xiaoyu was reported ‘missing’, had her diploma suspended, and her home searched. She was also instructed by the university to request that the media outlets who had covered her emergence from the closet to take down their reports, for fear that they may reflect badly on the institution. Why are we telling you this? Because GDUFS was one of the institutions that Lancaster was incredibly close to partnering up with for its recently concluded China project (see Senate report). The negotiations ceased almost two years ago due to “changes of economic fortune” in the province, as well as abandonment by one of our investment partners. A lucky escape? Apparently not - we’re still accepting their students under a 2+2 scheme: http://tinyurl.com/jjal4vj ***************************************************** SENATE REPORT Opening the first Senate meeting of the year, the VC observed that so much had happened since the last meeting that the landscape had been completely transformed. The uncertainties resulting from the EU referendum result made it impossible to forecast how Brexit will impact on higher education and on Lancaster University in particular. He wanted to reassure staff and students from EU countries that they were welcome, and that their contributions were valued. In answer to a senator who believed that Lancaster should mirror other institutions in making far more reassurances, the VC said that this was now his first priority. He was concerned also about the changes to HE enshrined in the Bill currently making its way through Parliament, and what looks like an increased regulatory role for the new Office for Students. On the brighter side, we have maintained our national standing, and are now in the top ten in the three major league tables. The first major item of business was a request from PVC (Education) Professor Huttly for Senate’s approval to proceed with a proposed new partnership. This was a follow-on from last Senate (see subtext 150), but the item was, again, marked ‘Restricted and Commercial in Confidence’, so we are unable to report on it. This was followed by a paper from Deputy VC Professor Atherton on how the university will seek to engage with the Higher Education Innovation Fund (HEIF). He recommended that rather than just going for whatever money is available, future HEIF applications should be in line with university strategy and should show clear benefits for the university and its activities. One piece of good news he was able to share was that staff currently employed on fixed-term contracts funded by HEIF would now be moved to permanent contracts. His recommendations (all 16 of them) were duly approved. There followed another paper from Professor Atherton on future student numbers. This envisages an increase in the number of students on campus (excluding those in international partnerships) from the current 12,900 to 14, 640 in 2019/20, and rising to over 17,000 in 2024/25. Such a significant increase will, of course, mean huge implications for space, resource planning and capital investment. In answer to some close questioning he conceded that there may be ‘a lag’ between increased numbers and new resources becoming available. We can imagine what that means. It was clear that his projected numbers were compiled before the referendum result, but he did not think that this would significantly alter the picture. Really? The figures make a number of assumptions about recruiting EU and international students that are, to say the least, optimistic. Does Professor Atherton know something that the rest of us (including the VC) do not? Next up were reports from Professor Huttly on the implications of TEF and the new HEFCE Quality Assessment Model on the university, and the progress of the institutional HE Review Action Plan. Then came a report from Professor Decent, PVC (Research and Enterprise), on income gained from research. This showed a marked improvement on last year’s position, with a 40% increase in research grant value. This places Lancaster just outside the top twenty institutions, ahead of some leading Russell Group universities. Professor Decent credited the hard work and commitment of Lancaster staff, but subtext will not be alone in recognising that he also deserves to share some of the glory. Finally, a progress report from Professor Bradley, PVC (International), on Lancaster University College at Beijing Jiaotong University. The first cohort of 250+ students has been recruited, and formal first-year teaching is set to begin in 2017 at a newly built and well resourced campus. This is a collaboration that seems to gone very smoothly, in contrast with our previous effort to set up in China, for which Professor Bradley and his team deserve to be thanked. The decision to hire and send out to China staff on Lancaster contracts to deliver English language and study skills in the college also suggests that lessons have been learned from LU Ghana. Credit also to Professor Atherton, who, according to the VC, impressed local Chinese officials by being able to conduct negotiations in Mandarin. ******************************************************* STUDENT NUMBERS We mentioned above the prospect of student numbers vastly outweighing accommodation and resources. The Deputy Vice-Chancellor had best not be bracing himself for such disorder. Some readers may have memories of past fixes such as students sleeping on gym and lecture theatre floors while accommodation was found, a former Vice-Chancellor putting students up in The Croft, and some students having to take up temporary residence in places as far flung as Garstang. ***************************************************** WINDOWS 16 Given that the University is apparently highly cognisant of compliance, staff satisfaction, and ensuring that work environments are conducive to staff productivity, it seems strange that university administrators in the newly refurbished Physics and Chemistry buildings would be stuffed into offices that, while the walls are made of glass, don’t have any windows that can actually be opened. There has been research, and a whole load of health and management experts, suggesting that individuals working in spaces with little natural light or fresh air suffer from poorer sleep patterns, diminished attention spans and a greater susceptibility to depression. In the case of Physics, the walls are made of glass, but the offices in question are situated in a spot where hardly any natural light comes in. That administrative staff anywhere on our campus should be placed in such working conditions is not just a clear diminution of their status. Unlike academic staff, who are able to (and have the excuse to) venture out of their offices and into other buildings, or work away from the office altogether, administrative staff are far more under the whip of the desk and the line manager. Eight hours in a space with little natural light is, as research suggests, draining to productivity, and since administrators are the vital cogs which keep academic departments running efficiently and the conveyor belts moving, the last thing that any department needs is a knackered admin. That the University would make hollow gestures in the name of mental wellbeing, such as suggesting that all staff get together and head on down to ReFuel for lunch as part of a barely disguised marketing ploy (see subtext 144: “STAY HEALTHY, PEASANTS!”), but would allow an entire building project to go ahead without noticing a fundamental, staff-unfriendly flaw, is grossly inconsiderate. Having a window that opens may seem a small thing to ask for. But it’s the least they could have. ******************************************************* TEST PAGING OUR PATIENCE As previously reported in subtext 144, and as astute subtext readers cannot fail to have noticed, Lancaster has new printers. And they’re supposed to be photocopiers too. And some of them even have staplers. While there have been some positive aspects to all of this, such as the ability to print from anywhere on campus, or even from the web or from a mobile device, and collect from any networked printer, the financial and resourcing issues have still not been resolved. Departmental officers are reported to be tearing their hair out trying to figure out how to allocate costs for staff who work in multiple departments. For staff who are also students the situation is even worse - they have to be assigned vouchers to top up their personal print credit for any printing they do for work, and if these are not used, they are simply lost. The worst impact however, which has only gradually become apparent, is the sheer cost. Large print runs and thick booklets have generally always been cheaper to outsource to either Folio (“The service formerly known as the Print Unit”) or, more recently, to an outside provider. Now it seems that even the more modest jobs are often cheaper to get done off campus. The obvious conclusion is that this is a brilliant strategy to make printing so awkward and expensive that we all go fully digital and stop using any paper at all. Yay environment! ***************************************************** LU TEXT LOST AND FOUND More things that somehow didn’t make it into LU Text’s ‘Lancaster in the News’ roundup: AuroraWatch UK is a free service offering alerts of when the Aurora Borealis (the Northern Lights, in lay terms) might be visible from the UK. It is run by scientists in the Space and Planetary Physics group at Lancaster’s Physics department. As reported by the BBC, AuroraWatch UK recently issued a red alert based on magnetic field data from the Lancaster magnetometer. Unfortunately, the readings were not related to geomagnetic activity. Instead, it appears that some local interference set off a massive spike in the data. At the time AuroraWatch was not sure what this interference was. The magnetometer is located in a site shared with other experiments, and something metallic may have been placed on their instruments or some machine may have been operating nearby. An inquiry immediately took place to make sure there was no recurrence. Investigations revealed that the interference was caused by University staff mowing the grass on a sit-on mower. We are assured that work with the facilities team will be undertaken to avoid a similar incident occurring in the future. ***************************************************** MORE LANCASTER PEOPLE IN THE NEWS As subtext goes to print, we note that one of our distinguished former students, Councillor Charles Edwards (Bare), has weighed in on a row over the University ward by-election triggered by the resignation of Cllr Matt Mann. He asserts that Cllr Mann's resignation could have been more appropriately timed in order to facilitate two by-elections on the same day (a by-election to replace another recently departed Councillor is currently taking place). “It costs between £8,000-£12,000 to run a full by-election; this is a serious amount of money that could be prioritised on vital services for the people who need it the most", he thundered. "The Lancaster Labour Party keep on telling us how strapped for cash they are. Yet they seem happy to waste public money. It is letting our residents down.” While Cllr Edwards’ claim that the current plan will incur additional costs has been denied by the Council, it also surely makes little sense to hold an election for the University ward at a time when thousands of people within it are not yet registered to vote. Cllr Edwards is the representative for the Conservative Party. ***************************************************** P(P)R EXPERIENCE There are strange goings on in the department of Politics, Philosophy, and Religion. The current cohort of final year Politics students have a new module to enjoy: PPR.389 Politics, Employability and Engagement through Outreach, described as a “skills-based, CV-enhancing module [that] enables Politics/IR students to develop skills and knowledge that are highly valued in a range of professions”. Ostensibly, there is nothing remarkable about a department running an employability module, but what caught subtext’s eye about this new offering was that PPR.389’s learning outcomes are based on unpaid work experience. This module will see students working with UKSRO on a ‘mentoring programme’ with sixth form pupils undertaking their A-level Extended Project Qualifications (EPQs). Students will receive training from UKSRO and work with the sixth formers providing feedback on their EPQs. This year, for 20% of their final mark students must “develop a four minute individual presentation filmed in the LUTV studios explaining politics in lay terms to sixth form pupils”, the best of which will “with student consent, appear in Outreach, Widening Participation and Recruitment materials and can be cited by students in CVs”. For 40% of their mark, students are required to develop ‘role play outlines’ for sixth form students to use as part of the Politics/IR outreach programme. Again, selected students “will have their outlines added to an online bank of role play outlines for use by schools”, meaning that over half a student’s final mark could be used as free marketing resources for the University, and the department. Anyone familiar with the world of work experience will recognise this line as part of the ‘no you won’t be paid, but it will boost your portfolio and look good on CV’ script trotted out by the creative industries. That this would be adopted as an academic practice is perturbing. That said, perhaps getting students to accept the lot of the unpaid work experience kid makes sense as a way of enhancing their employability. After all, Politics was one of the elite sectors that the Independent Reviewer on Social Mobility and Child Poverty (Lancaster’s very own Chancellor, Alan Milburn) cited as being particularly bad for limiting access to those who could afford to enhance their CV through unpaid work. For all the free promo videos the university might be provided with, there is one aspect of the module though that will presumably hinder, not help, recruitment. One of the mentors on the new module is PPR alumnus Laurenz Gerger, who last December wrote a not so glowing review of the University for WhatUni (http://tinyurl.com/h2ekrfs). Writing under the headline ‘Love uni, hate students’, Mr. Gerger proceeded to describe the FASS Placements Officer as ‘useless’ and ‘support staff at department [as] unhelpful’. We’re presuming that does not have top billing on his CV. ***************************************************** AND ANOTHER THING… On that note, Lancaster has a questionable history of letting students loose on university promotional materials. Lest we forget... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7EZSl5lxsI ***************************************************** ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD For those readers who haven’t been following the exciting world of TEF and the HE Bill over summer, here’s a quick update. After universities fed back that they didn’t like the idea of being ranked ‘outstanding’, ‘excellent’ and ‘meets expectations’ because no one knew what those meant, they will instead be ranked Gold, Silver and Bronze. Universities minister Jojo Johnson said: “The framework will give students clear, understandable information about where the best teaching is on offer and for the first time place teaching quality on a par with research at our universities.” Gold standard institutions will be allowed to charge a higher rate of tuition fees. Bronze is basically a participation trophy. ***************************************************** UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Undergraduate recruitment at Lancaster continues to be successful, with our numbers for 2016 entry once again exceeding target. Well done to the admissions team in University House and our departments. A key part of this success is the university's increasing use of unconditional offers to applicants. The idea is simple: identify a group of particularly strong applicants and inform them that, in recognition of their potential, we're willing to make them an unconditional offer, if - and only if - they pick Lancaster as their firm choice. To try and ensure they keep focused on their studies, we'll offer them a generous scholarship of £3000 if they achieve A*A*A at A Level. This year over 600 applicants took us up on the offer and the scheme is due to continue for 2017 entry. Great stuff! So why does subtext have a few nagging doubts? Well, think about it from the applicant's point of view. Are you really going to be as motivated to work hard for your A Levels if you know your place is guaranteed? Yes, there's the scholarship to aim for, but is that really going to drive you onward through the long nights of revision? The evidence is mixed. Some, but not that many, excel and achieve A*A*A. Most do about as well as they would have done anyway, helped by the modular nature of A Levels - which is currently being replaced by a purely linear, everything-rides-on-the-final-exams system. At the other end of the scale, some of this year's first years have A Level results which . . . well, let's just say they've clearly been enjoying themselves for the past nine months. Already, many schools are not happy. As more and more universities offer their best students unconditional offers (Lancaster is far from alone here), the greater the likelihood is that these students will not quite perform to their best, which will have a knock-on effect on their school's league table scores. Lancaster's strategic plan offers the aspiration that our average entrant in 2020 will be sitting on 460 UCAS points, which is AAAB at A Level. subtext is sceptical that this was ever realistic, but how will our use of unconditional offers affect its chance of success? And how does this square with our stated ambition to be a top ten university in the UK? Spoiler: Oxford, Cambridge and Warwick don't have unconditional offer schemes. ***************************************************** SWOOSH Towards the end of September a team of workers in hard hats and high-vis jackets encamped at the north side of Chaplaincy Centre. This was not a photo opportunity for politicians of a certain hue – those days are behind us. This was serious construction work. Screens were established around the encampment bearing the slogan ‘Working hard to improve our campus’. Scaffolding was erected around the whole of the Chaplaincy Centre roof. Some of us feared the worse – the removal of the architectural feature that inspired the swoosh. But no, what transpired over the weeks was rejuvenation. What we witnessed was a restoration of that dramatic, brilliant and iconic structure that reminds us all how buildings can still radiate community and hope. The swoosh shines brightly again ready for the autumn sunshine to flicker and bounce off its prongs. We are somewhat perplexed that such care (and money) should be lavished on a symbol that not so long ago was banished, never to be spoken of again. ***************************************************** BEYOND A BOUNDARY subtext readers will be aware that the Boundary Commission for England is proposing radical changes to our local parliamentary boundaries. Gone will be Lancaster & Fleetwood; gone will be Morecambe & Lunesdale. In their place would be Lancaster & Morecambe (the urban area, roughly) alongside a very large North Lancashire seat, stretching from Knott End to the Forest of Bowland. Cat Smith MP, likely inheritor of Lancaster & Morecambe, is very happy and is supporting a "One MP for Lancaster & Morecambe" campaign. David Morris MP, likely to come off second best against Ms Smith in Lancaster & Morecambe, is really very unhappy indeed. Morecambe and Lancaster were "two distinct areas which deserved separate representation," he wrote in a press release, adding that the people of Morecambe "have often felt overshadowed by Lancaster in terms of funding." As one of his aggrieved constituents pointed out in a letter to the Lancaster Guardian, Mr Morris's constituency actually includes the northern quarter of Lancaster, so criticising Lancaster may not have been the wisest strategy to follow - but maybe Mr Morris has calculated that he's never going to get the Skertonians' vote anyway. Still, it is good to see local MPs encouraging residents to get involved in local democracy, and there are plenty of opportunities for you to do so, including public hearings in the Storey, Lancaster on Monday 24 and Tuesday 25 October - you can register to give your opinion at the Boundary Commission's website. The main reason the Boundary Commission's proposals are likely - though not guaranteed - to go through is the incredibly restrictive terms on which they were forced to work. There must be a reduction in the number of seats in North West England from 75 to 68. All seats must contain between 71,031 and 78,507 registered electors. Calculations must be based on the electoral register in force on 1 December 2015, notwithstanding that hundreds of thousands of people added themselves to the register between that date and the referendum in June. The end result: both Morecambe & Lunesdale and Lancaster & Fleetwood were far too small to survive. Faced with those constraints, the Boundary Commission had very few options available. subtext understands that local Conservatives will be proposing that the Commission cuts Lancaster in half, along Damside Street no less, with Sainsbury's and the Bus Station joining Bulk and Skerton in an enlarged Morecambe & Lunesdale, while the Castle and Town Hall join Marsh, Bowerham and Scotforth in a resurrected Lancaster & Wyre. So our future political make-up is very much up for grabs. And what of the university? The Boundary Commission has placed it in the proposed North Lancashire constituency, saying that "we would have preferred a solution that retained the university site within a constituency with Lancaster but, having carefully examined the alternatives, concluded that any other solution would result in greater division of the City of Lancaster." The Conservatives' proposal keeps the university in with Lancaster - well, the southern half of the constituency anyway - and we can expect them to trumpet support for Bailrigg in their submission to the review. If a subtext reader can spot a way of keeping the university in a seat with the whole of urban Lancaster, in such a way that the resulting arrangement doesn't look ridiculous, they are encouraged to submit their thoughts to the Boundary Commission. Or... maybe they shouldn't. After all, isn't our campus's main attraction its bucolic rural setting? Maybe it should accept its place alongside the villages of North Lancashire. ***************************************************** BACK ON THE BUSES Travelling to work by bus out of term time is a much more sedate and relaxing activity and you always get a seat. Not a great deal happens – people get on and people get off as the bus trundles up and down the A6. However, an incident did occur that your correspondent felt worthy of mention. On a warm sunny day towards the end of September he was strolling towards his bus stop on Common Garden Street. He noted the Lancaster University bus (a number 2, for those of you interested in that sort of detail) leaving the stop. A few seconds after arriving at the bus stop your correspondent was surprised to see the self-same driver driving the self-same bus turning the corner of Common Garden Street and then dutifully pulling-up at the stop. Being an experienced bus traveller (and one time bus driver) your correspondent correctly surmised that the driver had ‘forgotten’ his route and had just gone round the block and, to his credit, rather than just drive on past, he stopped to pick up some more passengers. By this time however the scene on the bus was not one you witness very often. The driver was grinning and quietly chuckling to himself and all the passengers who were not smiling were laughing. The ‘new’ passengers, faced with this wave of happiness, were somewhat flummoxed. All the ‘old’ passengers who were in on the joke paused to talk to the driver as they alighted at their various stops causing more giggles and more perplexed faces from those passengers unaware of the goings-on. A small thing at the beginning of the day, but those cockles do need warming. ***************************************************** BYLAW AND DISORDER The Students’ Union’s new system for democratic representation will get its first run out this term, starting off on the small matter of the purpose of a students’ union. Under the new system any student can submit an ‘idea’ to the Union, which is then debated by the student executive. Anything deemed doable is passed, anything ‘controversial’ is taken to an independent jury of 12-18 lay students. If the jury can’t reach a consensus, the idea goes to ‘preferendum’ – an all-student vote. The first student jury will be meeting in Week Five to decide whether the Union should: 1) Do more to protect the environment - including stopping the use of disposable cups in its shop and increasing its charge for plastic carrier bags. 2) Become politically neutral - staying out of debates on international politics and focusing on higher education and cost of living issues that directly affect students. Setting aside the awkward question of whether it is possible for any action to ever be ‘politically neutral’, the implications of 2) make triggering Article 50 look like a walk in the park. First, it will presumably be pointed out to the student jury that, should they approve proposal 2), the preceding proposal 1) immediately becomes void – even if they have voted in favour of it. Doing more to ‘protect the environment’ is not focusing on HE and cost of living issues. If anything, charging for plastic carrier bags and reusable coffee cups is another cost of living hit for students, albeit a small one. That both these contradicting ideas came from the same student might suggest a slight issue with the ‘wish list’ system of submitting ideas, or at least suggests a severe case of cognitive dissonance. If proposal 2) is approved, what then for the various LUSU activities that aren’t directly HE or cost of living related? How ‘directly’ would an issue have to affect students for it to be deemed permissible? For one student, ‘Why is My Curriculum White’ is a vital education campaign; for another it’s political correctness gone mad. (It isn’t, just to clarify.) Just recently, LUSU has delivered well timed and pertinent statements in response to announcements from the government that could be perceived as hostile to students and staff from EU countries living and working in Lancaster (http://tinyurl.com/z8b8opt). Would this be prohibited should the jury approve of the ‘neutrality’ proposal? Political neutrality does not necessarily mean being politically neutral: it involves judgement calls. If the Union doesn’t challenge, does it condone? From the philosophical to the technical: the jury will be presented with information to help them reach their their verdict, but it is not clear who will generate this information, or whether lay students can submit evidence either way. The student jury shall be formed, according to the new LUSU bylaw, ‘by semi-random selection of members which shall reflect the wider member demography as much is possible’. So, in reflecting the wider demography it will presumably be predominantly White, as Lancaster’s campus is? Will there be a household income balance, as well as gender and sexuality balances? Will most of the students be FASS and LUMS, with one poor FHM student stuck in for good measure? What about the postgrads?! Will jurors, whoever they are, be given training on how to stay ‘politically neutral’ as jury members? Is there going to be a bar on media reporting, so that SCAN – or even subtext – doesn’t influence any potential jurors? (Ha, we wish.) For now only time will tell. The case, as they say, continues. ***************************************************** BOARD GAMES subtext has commented in the past on the use of human sandwich board advertisements in Lancaster. This rather unsavoury use of human labour came closer to home during welcome week when two rather unhappy looking souls dressed in Spiderman costumes paraded outside University House and the Chaplaincy Centre advertising a particular brand of pizza. Again, this subtext correspondent does find this particular type of advertising quite unsettling. Charles Dickens is said to have coined the phrase “sandwich men” and famously described one such advertiser as "a piece of human flesh between two slices of paste board”. For many, it is an enduring image of the darkest days of the Great Depression - jobless men so desperate for work that they roamed the streets as living billboards. Is the University so desperate for cash that it is happy to accept money to facilitate this form of advertising? ***************************************************** FIRE SALE: ALL STAFF MUST GO CHEAP Some odd goings-on at Coventry University have come to our attention. Coventry, winner of the University of the Year in the Times Higher Education awards for 2015, is ‘selling’ some of their academics on. Some of our colleagues at Coventry have had their contracts shifted into one of Coventry’s commercial subsidiaries. With no change to the actual work, the academics have lost perks and been placed on much worse contracts. The university has described the subsidiaries as “self-governing, autonomous bodies”. Yet they are wholly owned by the university. None of Coventry’s subsidiaries recognise trade unions - the recently installed head of HR claiming that the business model of the commercial subsidiaries “simply would not be viable” if their staff were offered the same terms as their university counterparts. The reason why a prestigious university like Coventry should engage in such practices is not clear. However, the removal of caps on student numbers in 2014 has unleashed a 'gold rush' in our sector. The result was as predicted: a short-term rapid speculative expansion by unscrupulous local managers, resulting in intensive competition for fee-paying students in niche subjects, and simultaneous boom and bust. Coventry is not an exception but part of a pattern that will become increasingly normalised in a scramble for market share. The Government’s Higher Education and Research Bill does what TTIP has so far failed to do: to permit new private for-profit providers to enter the sector with little real scrutiny. It will intensify competition in a race to the bottom that Coventry shows has already begun. ***************************************************** BAR WATCH With more than a little trepidation, your subtext correspondent ventured into the reopened Grad Bar to assess its recent refurbishment, which has kept the place closed over the summer. After the somewhat... polarising overhaul of Pendle and Grizedale bars a few years ago, there was the worry that Grad Bar, which has remained exactly the same as it was since it opened in the 1990s, would be without its rustic charm. Even Furness Bar, which kept the same layout and idiosyncrasies when it was done over in 2012, has never felt quite the same. But subtext is pleased to report that Grad’s refurbishment has been a minimalist but noticeable affair. Everywhere has been repainted (in the same colour), the carpet has been replaced with a slightly different pattern, the wood has been varnished and the toilets have been refitted. It is redolent of an old photograph that has been sensitively retouched, and in general the place feels just a little cleaner. In fact, the vast majority of the changes won’t be noticeable to your average punter, but for the staff, the new shutters, plastered cellar and state-of-the-art cask lifting equipment has been a godsend. It has also retained all of its familiar staff and offers the same real ale provision that has kept it in the Good Beer Guide for 13 consecutive years. Cheers to that! *** subtext also notes that Lonsdale Bar has undergone a different shake-up. It is now to be run by Alistair Pratley, a familiar face to anybody who has taken advantage of the on-campus eateries. He was previously in charge of InfoLab cafe, which was wildly popular during his time at the helm - something which can also be said of Fylde Food and the Venue (the Deli, as it is now known), which he has also run at various points throughout his time on campus. A ‘food guy’ might seem an odd choice for an establishment like Lonsdale Bar, but before settling in Lancaster, Alistair carved out a long career running successful nightclubs up and down the UK. A ‘nightclub minded’ veteran of the rave scene may prove to be useful to the bar, which like all others needs to find a distinct identity in an era where simply being ‘your college’s bar’ doesn’t quite attract the custom it used to. We wish him, and Lonsdale College, all the very best. ***************************************************** SHART ATTACK From: Mike M. Shart, VC, Lune Valley Enterprise University (LuVE-U) To: All Deans. CC: Hewlett Venkklinne, Director of Media Misunderstanding Attrition. Subject: Exciting plans for the year ahead! Good afternoon, Deans. In August, the newly formed Strategic Strategizing Strategy Group spent a highly productive team building ‘away-week’, training with the SAS in the Brecon Beacons. They have returned with a ‘Who Dares Wins’ strategy to develop a new commercial venture to reimagine the university for the twenty-first century! As you know, in the lead up to what was expected to be a visit from well known American thought leader Donald Trump, we undertook a full spectrum rebranding as ‘U-LuVe.’ While we decided to revert to our original brand, the Strategic Strategizing Strategy Group has found a way for the U-LuvE brand to live on in the form of an exciting new partnership! We have been working on this in secret over the summer. But I can now reveal to you that we have entered into an agreement with the prestigious high street company French Connection U.K. to open a brand new university campus that will specialize in the teaching of fashion and lifestyle sciences. The campus will have a prime location in ‘Barrow-in-Furness’ (which Hewlett tells me is known for certain aesthetic qualities, although he has been unable to outline anything specific about said qualities) and will be headed up by our latest appointment - Distinguished Professor Priscilla (or Pri as she likes to be known) Marx, who will take up her post in the New Year. Furthermore, on the back of this deal, we have been told that Victoria Beckham has expressed a strong interest in becoming a Visiting Professor in Post-feminism and Popular Culture. Of course, I will need to speak to the Head of Gender and Women’s Studies about this, but I can’t see that there could be any objections (to be honest, I had no idea that they were still a department here!). Well, I wish you all the best for the start of the new academic year and I look forward to raising a toast with you to the success of FCUK U-LuVe! Best, Mike. ***************************************************** GEORGE ‘N’ MARTIN subtext is nothing if not more than the sum of its parts. In the true spirit of collectivism, we exist in unity, and have no interest in any celebration and puffing up of the Individual. When one falls, another rises in their place, and subtext continues its onwards march with scant inclination to mourn or lament. But, in this exceptional instance, the subtext collective would like to note that it has begun the term two members lighter. George Green, who had been with us for ten years and signed off on a record setting 144 issues, has finally hung up his asterisk and opted to pursue a career in academia. We also say goodbye to Martin Widden, who enjoyed 6 happy years and 89 issues of subtext. We are sure he is relieved to finally be able to enjoy his concerts without having to produce a subtext review. Fare thee well, both. Anybody wishing to take their places on the collective is welcome to get in touch. ******************************************************* LETTERS In Subtext 150, “It reminds us that when the ancient Chinese said “may you live in interesting times”, it was a curse, not a blessing.” Not only that, it probably isn’t even Chinese. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/May_you_live_in_interesting_times,http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/may-you-live-in-interesting-times.html and http://quoteinvestigator.com/2015/12/18/live/ for the possible history. PG ******** Dear Editors, Thank you for maintaining the idea amongst Lancastrians that Morecambe is a grim place of gales, rain and endless commuting. The last thing I need, as I contemplate the beauty of the bay and the Lakeland fells from my bus stop, before getting on the bus without having to worry about whether there’ll be a free seat, enjoying my 45-50 minute read, mug of coffee at hand, barely noticing the traffic jam of cars alongside the bus lane and getting off at the underpass relaxed and ready for what comes next, is loads of other people doing the same. Let’s keep it a secret. That’s right everyone, Morecambe’s horrible, we all have permanent colds so move along, nothing to see here. Regards Phil Chandler ***************************************************** The editorial collective of subtext currently consists (in alphabetical order) of: James Groves, Lizzie Houghton, Ian Paylor, Ronnie Rowlands, Joe Thornberry, and Johnny Unger. Vale: George Green and Martin Widden.
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